Big Picture Snippet
In a previous post [Compliance] I relayed my experience during my most recent hospital stay. Another part of it I’ve been pondering quite a bit lately – the difference between seeing the big picture vs. only seeing a snippet of an experience. E.g. #1 – My hospital roommate had been in the room for several…
Wood
A 5-year anniversary traditionally celebrates with wood, representing durable roots and growth. Today is my 5-year cancerversary. Today I get to see our tree [wood] blooming for another year. These last 5 years have been a whirlwind of chaos. Including the original surgery I have been hospitalized 5 times for multi-night stays. I’ve received 62 butt…
Compliance
My automatic response to any traumatic event – head down – do whatever is needed to get through – then fall apart after the fact…when I mentally process what the H*** just happened. I’m currently processing trauma from 2 weeks ago. This experience was as much a mental challenge as it was to deal with…
Magic 8 Ball
8 has always been my favorite number – why? No idea… 8×2 = my birthday… 8/2 = the number of siblings in my family – I’m sure I could come up with more but really have no idea – and why is any number a favorite? Anyway… Treatment #8 –
Terms & Conditions
Apparently I did not read the fine print… I wouldn’t have agreed to these life terms and conditions. It’s been a while since I sat down to write – there’s always lots of thoughts in my head, several posts are started but not done ‘enough’ to publish. Thoughts & themes overlap & I have a…
Heaping pile of ****
As time goes on I’m noticing losses piling up… Ghosted by friends – There are some friends from my past who totally stopped contact. I am also noticing others who are lessening their interactions. It’s hard for me to not internalize the changes in friendships. It feels personal to some extent but I think I…
Solitaire
I play lots of games on my phone while I’m in waiting rooms, usually to avoid noticing I’m waiting yet again. It also helps to avoid making eye contact with all the others in the room. I find it awkward being in place with so many others who are also sick, who are there for…
Defense
Same tree… same Our house backs up to property with large trees growing behind our fence. This area is not maintained other than removal of fallen trees on the adjacent golf course. We enjoy the buffer and view it provides to our back yard. In the years we’ve been here we’ve had some of their…
Dear Providers…
I am truly grateful for all you do to help me stay alive and maintain as good a quality of life as possible. However – Please understand there is more to this process than what you see from your side. Please know when you order stuff for me I’m thankful you are on top of…
Ruminant
If anyone is reading this, feel free to stop here – you’ve read this crap before, no need to waste more of your time. None of this post will be anything new, no new revelations, no new insight into my psyche, no personal growth. Just like a ruminant – I’m regurgitating and re-injesting the same…
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BS stuff 