Spiders by Bears Den – “… it’s 4 in the morning – and the spiders are crawling – in my mind, replaying pictures of all that I can’t undo – Love, I’m trying – But I can’t pull myself out when the darkness comes…”

Writing’s been feeling a lot harder recently. I enjoy the process when it happens naturally – I can’t force it. I have been feeling the need to write but I haven’t come up with anything new – everything has been said already. A short while ago I went back & read this entire blog from the beginning – all 75 posts – the sucky part about all this is everything I’ve said before is still true now. I’m still sick, I’m still dealing with consequences and side effects of the disease. I don’t know how to deal with this dealing.

I’m tired — tired of trying to keep up.. tired of dragging everyone down.. tired of the toll on my body & mind.. tired of trying to find workarounds for so many things.. tired of the worry.. tired of the random pains in my body.. tired of the fear.. tired of the stress.. tired of the added necessities to my daily routine.. tired of the fatigue.. tired of the swollen eyes & runny nose.. tired of the loneliness.. tired of being less than.. tired of being tired…………