Heaping pile of ****
As time goes on I’m noticing losses piling up… Ghosted by friends – There are some friends from my past who totally stopped contact. I am also noticing others who are lessening their interactions. It’s hard for me to not internalize the changes in friendships. It feels personal to some extent but I think I…
Solitaire
I play lots of games on my phone while I’m in waiting rooms, usually to avoid noticing I’m waiting yet again. It also helps to avoid making eye contact with all the others in the room. I find it awkward being in place with so many others who are also sick, who are there for…
Defense
Same tree… same Our house backs up to property with large trees growing behind our fence. This area is not maintained other than removal of fallen trees on the adjacent golf course. We enjoy the buffer and view it provides to our back yard. In the years we’ve been here we’ve had some of their…
Dear Providers…
I am truly grateful for all you do to help me stay alive and maintain as good a quality of life as possible. However – Please understand there is more to this process than what you see from your side. Please know when you order stuff for me I’m thankful you are on top of…
Ruminant
If anyone is reading this, feel free to stop here – you’ve read this crap before, no need to waste more of your time. None of this post will be anything new, no new revelations, no new insight into my psyche, no personal growth. Just like a ruminant – I’m regurgitating and re-injesting the same…
Monsters On The Bus
I gave my brain a name. This was an idea in a video sent to me. It’s supposed to help with the crappy self-talk I usually default to. She is now who I correct, yell at, plead with…. depending on the situation. “___ shush now so I can get back to sleep” – “___ please…
Acronyms
Acronyms are now running my life – the latest portal message from my oncologist: “Let’s repeat a CMP this week. If LFTs are not improving, I will order an MRCP to get a better picture of the liver.” Acronyms are all over my chart, all over my lab scripts & procedure orders. In grad school…
Mentally Toasted
In the last week I have had to fast twice for appointments. I’ve had 2 medical procedures – one an annual check, the other was followup for an odd CT scan note last month. These were followed by 10 different labs drawn in one sitting (8 tubes of various colors). I made a comment to…
In the Lines
Coloring mandala pictures is often suggested as a method of relaxation. I received more than one book from well-meaning friends back when I was recovering from surgery. One interesting observation during this time = coloring is not therapeutic. I do not find coloring relaxing – too many color choices – too many decisions for where…
50 in 4
Day before surgery ———- 4 years later The butt dart this month was #50 [great April Fool’s joke]. Every 4 weeks… This week is 4 years since surgery & my official diagnosis. Likely already there for 5+ years at that time… Tired of the stress – tired of fitting in multiple medical appointments into an already…
Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.
Follow My Blog
Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.
BS stuff 