I play lots of games on my phone while I’m in waiting rooms, usually to avoid noticing I’m waiting yet again. It also helps to avoid making eye contact with all the others in the room. I find it awkward being in place with so many others who are also sick, who are there for treatment or to see a provider. It’s not a comfortable place to wait.

My primary go-to game is a version of solitaire – put the cards in suit order. Moves can either help… or stop the game. Usually I just make moves as I find them available — without looking for consequences of the play. Sometimes I take the time to look ahead and plan a move based on how many new moves it will lead to. Sometimes I ‘undo’ a move if it will let me make a different choice to increase my chances to win. Every once in a while I win… more often I have to start a new game because I ran out of options.

My health situation feels like a solitaire game. In order to continue [playing] I have to make [moves] decisions… It’s hard to look ahead & see if a choice [move] will be a benefit or not… will this next procedure/treatment [move] help the situation [keep me playing] or make things worse? I don’t get to restart this game when I run out of options.

And these procedures/treatments often lead to needing new medications to address side effects from them. The number of daily medications I manage is continuing to grow. All have varying times to take them… to avoid interactions – on an empty stomach – 3x / day spaced out – before meals – with food… ~8 different times each day & 3 of them have to travel with me. My daily question list: What time is it? Did I take this already? Is it too soon to take that?

The daily management required to keep playing takes a toll. Physical side effects interfere with normal activities. Mental stress interferes with normal functions expected of an adult. Managing me is a full-time job now.

Incidentally – I won the game pictured above – but my % winning is only ~39%