The house I grew up in had a beautiful weeping cherry tree in the front yard. I’ve always wanted one at our house too. We finally had a young tree installed the summer of 2020. It was past the bloom stage so I was excited to wait for the next spring to see flowers.

Little did I know when I took the picture in 2021 my life would completely change the next day. Back then I didn’t know if I’d see the tree bloom again. I wasn’t sure what was in store for me with my new diagnosis.

Fight or flight: Most animals survive by having this mode at the ready. In my zookeeper years we understood this, but also knew it was important to provide small stressors to keep them in shape. By providing a new unknown object or rearranging their exhibit, they would stay used to adapting to new things. So if/when a bigger event occurred they’re able to deal & less likely to over-stress from it.

Time under tension: I often hear this phrase in the gym from our coach. It’s not just the act of lifting the weight or the amount of weight that has an effect. But it’s the amount of time the muscles are under tension from the lift influencing things the most. This needs to be within reason to avoid injury.

My 3-year anniversary from the surgery and NET diagnosis started with a scan last week. Results = stable – I have been since the radiation treatments ended in early 2023. But I still always feel like I’m in fight or flight mode. Every ache, every abnormal feeling I have internally automatically sends me into “what was that?” And then it leads to “when do I contact a provider about this?” – sometimes “which one?” – Mentally the tension is always high, not sure much more tension can I safely withstand?

I don’t know how people come to terms with chronic illness. Three years into this mess I’m finding this to be exhausting.