Neuroendocrine tumors (NETs) are sometimes referred to as the zebras of the cancers. The zebra analogy: If you heard hoof beats, your first thought would be horses as the most obvious source of the sound. But in the medical world, not all diagnoses are the most likely possibility. Sometimes it’s zebra hooves, a less likely diagnosis. Only 2% of the treated cancers are NETs.

I honestly can’t remember a time in my life where I felt like I comfortably fit in. I have always felt like an outsider in most of my life experiences. I do have great friends and the most wonderful family, but even in these groups I am on the outside a lot of times. This feeling has been something I have struggled with for as far back as I can recall.

This NETs diagnosis is stirring up the feeling more often. With NETs being a very uncommon type of cancer I don’t have a lot in common with the few cancer patients I’ve met up to this point. I’m hesitant to join a support group because I expect I’ll end up in another group I don’t fit into.

Now I also feel more separated from everyone in my life. My support system around me has no way to fully understand what I’m going through. I try to explain it as best I can, but I also worry about sounding like a whiny baby or broken record (might need to explain this metaphor to the youngerlings). So I tend to ‘err on the side of caution’ by limiting details when anyone asks questions.

The feeling of being an outsider and the reality of it might not be equal. But when my anxiety is high, any small indication of being an outsider triggers a supersized mental reaction. Today it sent me into a hour-long crying spell, and I’m unable to explain why. Sometimes the mental struggle keeps me from being able to engage in normal conversations. I am finding this part of my ‘journey’ very exhausting. I’m losing my ability to ‘fake it till you make it’.