/pōm/ (noun) – fruit consisting of a fleshy enlarged receptacle and a tough central core containing the seeds

I have a super wonderful friend who I have known for almost 53 years. I don’t get to see her enough in person, but I know I can always count on her to be available for me. When she’s in town we make time to meet and go for a long walk while catching up. Phone calls are usually in between visits.

A couple weeks ago was the first walk we had after my surgery and cancer diagnosis. Near the end of our visit I started explaining some of the mental challenges I am having with all of this. One of the hardest for me is the fact this cancer will never be gone, just hoping for long-term control (do I get to..?).

Two days later, while she was in the airport waiting to go home she sent me the most wonderful text: “…I was thinking about you and the anxiety around chronic, long term cancer. Not sure if it helps but I’m going to think of you like a beautiful, sweet, perfect apple whose flesh is healthy yet whose seeds contain small amounts of arsenic. So the seeds contain a poison, but it’s not going to stop you from being healthy, strong and beautiful….”

The fact that she was still thinking about me 2 days later and came up with this special analogy means the world to me! I honestly cry every time I read it. I cannot see myself like this – yet.

I feel so broken. No one else really sees anything different, I look completely normal on the outside. Physically I’m not having issues with the cancer or treatments (other than the monthly GIANT needle). Mentally this roller coaster ride gets -5 stars, do not recommend.