In a previous post [Compliance] I relayed my experience during my most recent hospital stay. Another part of it I’ve been pondering quite a bit lately – the difference between seeing the big picture vs. only seeing a snippet of an experience.

E.g. #1 – My hospital roommate had been in the room for several days before I arrived. The nursing staff seemed to be familiar with her issues & personality. I never formally interacted with her but I was in the room pretty much all the time – to hear all the various conversations with staff &/or family. I got to ‘see’ a bigger picture of her experience compared to any family or even staff. It was interesting to hear the different methods nurses used to interact with her. They all varied in what they chose to relay to the next person at shift change. Most of the details passed on were snippets – their own interactions. And what she told her family at visits was not always what had actually transpired. They too only saw the snippets. Usually I found it comical, other times I was soooooo tempted to speak up from the other side of the curtain.

E.g. #2 – At work, a search committee was tasked with identifying our next colleague hire. It’s a formal process dictated by HR, totally get it. I was not on the committee but I interacted with each of the candidates. I attended each of their presentations and was part of a group taking each candidate to dinner. For me, these were snippets of a candidate, not the big picture. Opinions of our interactions were asked in a followup survey – I’m not sure what I experienced is representative of the person or the “real” big picture. I’m not sure my opinion was helpful or necessary.

E.g.#3 – This big picture vs. snippet is also playing out in my cancer journey. In general it’s really hard to for me to grasp everything, which is why I write it here. But I’m the only one who is ‘experiencing everything’ – big picture. I have 7+ separate providers now – added a new one during my hospital stay – all following me for the cancer. Each of these have a different focus on my care – each is a snippet of the big picture. I am the one who has to keep it all straight, relay information, remind each of past events or new plans.

In day-to-day life I keep a lot of the experience to myself = very few around me get anywhere near the big picture. I can’t keep track of who knows what or what was the last snippet I relayed to someone. Most people only know snippets based on what they asked me. The big picture is a lot to digest – I get it. It’s why I keep most of the details to myself even when asked. I don’t want to burden others with all the symptoms my body is experiencing or with the mental gymnastics that go along with this diagnosis. For now I’ll continue to keep the snippets snippy and the big picture in my head.