Whelp! Not even sure where to start with this one..

A few oncologist visits back my blood pressure was way high. For some reason it didn’t register with me at the time, but I panicked when I saw it on the portal site later. Since then it’s been staying high but these visits are the only time anyone checks it. My oncologist didn’t seem too concerned, chalked it up to anxiety from being in the office, but suggested I track it at home for a week or so. Kept staying high! The NP I see at my PCP confirmed my BP cuff is accurate and put me on a low dose of yet another medication.

The next day, before even getting a chance to start the new med, I woke up feeling not quite right. I was feeling my heart fluttering, but assumed it was anxiety from dealing with the new issue. I expected to burn off the anxiety in the gym, instead I got a completely wacky heart rate reading and kept needing to stop (more than usual). Taking a nap later didn’t help either. Finally using my watch ECG app – A-fib = YAY!!!

Off to the ER for a 14 hour visit. That experience is one I’ll really try not to ever repeat. Everything about that night was just so bizarre. Left there with a diagnosis of atrial fluttering and 2 more medications to fit into my daily routine – bringing the total up to 6! These new things also limit what pain and cold meds I can take.

Years ago – the first of these 6 meds was prescribed for my sluggish thyroid. I remember being very disheartened at the idea of needing a medicine for the rest of my life. I felt broken, like somehow I was less healthy, less hearty. This latest episode has really done a number on my psyche. I have never felt this physically meek, mentally it’s really messing with me. Exercising – my go-to for health & anxiety reduction, is now super scary. It’s not at all helpful. I keep watching my watch… what’s my heart rate? is that a flutter I feel? should I stop now or just hope i’m okay? NOW what do I do to cope with my crap?

And then there’s the new cardiologist to add to my provider list, to add to my schedule for visits, to remember to have other provider records sent to. Who do I call for what now? How do I keep track of who knows what?

There is a chance my monthly shot is causing the high blood pressure, but I can’t really give that up. If the BP medication doesn’t help, that will change my cancer treatment options. There is also a chance the cancer – the hormones the tumors produce are causing heart trouble – not a good outcome.

I AM SO FRIGGIN ANGRY! So very scared! Just so tired…I was really hoping for a year without any drama. Only made it 8 months. I just want to feel normal again, to not be terrified, not feel weak. I do not see the cardiologist visit as a one & done – it will likely lead to more tests, more appointments. How can I fit anymore into my schedule? – so tired of doctor visits and being jabbed with needles.