This is the longest stretch I’ve had between psych appointments in quite a while. When we scheduled our next session I was curious how I’d handle it. I recently looked at my calendar and counted the weeks since my last visit. That’s when I noticed the lack of extreme anxiety. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling a bit calmer than normal. Not like the past past calm but better than the recent past. I’m thinking there are a few things involved here.

There have been fewer trips to HGCC recently. I have only needed to go for my monthly blood draw & butt dart. These can be scheduled on the same day but initially I wasn’t doing this. I was going in a few days early for the lab work and then seeing my oncologist before each shot. If I had a few days between the labs and my appointment she would be able to see the results. Because appointments to see my oncologist have become less frequent and my works schedule is busier for the semester, I combined the two for a single visit this past month. So reminders of whats going on have been occurring less frequently.

I had a follow up CT scan about a month ago to compare tumors from the initial PET scan 3+ months before. I was told nothing grew, nothing spread! My oncologist also felt my blood work trends were encouraging. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard these results.

Lately I’ve been feeling stronger in my workouts. I’m mostly back to what I could do before my surgery in April. It’s taken a while longer than I thought. But it’s nice to not feel so broken all the time. Now I’m only broken at the end of a week of WODs 🥵.

But I feel like I’m always looking over my shoulder. I am still very afraid of my future. Any time I’m reminded of the potential future medical issues I panic.

Recently I had a bout of my ‘IBS-like’ symptoms in the middle of the night. I haven’t discussed this here, yet. I’ve been dealing with this for several years. Based on experiences from other NETs people, I honestly feel like this issue was actually the NETs beginning. The pain can be unbearable when it occurs. I can’t do anything but pace slowly until the medicine kicks in, which helps but also messes with my GI tract in other ways.

I had thought I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore because of the surgery and the monthly shot medication. Mentally I really struggled with it this time, just as much as the physical discomfort. Either – 1) the two issues (IBS & NETs) are not connected and I will continue to need to carry my ‘just in case’ meds with me at all times. Any time I have pains I won’t know which is causing it. 2) they are connected and this was a hint for what’s coming.

Either way I don’t win.