How will I be remembered?

I started reading the obituaries back in grad school. It was mostly curiosity because at the time I was a dietetic intern and would recognize a name from my time in the hospital. It was interesting to see who they were before I met them.

Around this same time I received a call from one of my two college roommates. I had not heard from her in quite a few years. She was calling to tell me our third roommate had passed away from ovarian cancer and wanted me to hear it from her before I saw a post in the obits. About 2 months prior I had just reconnected with her via email and we were trying to plan to get together. But at that time she wasn’t feeling well and wanted to wait until she felt better. Reading her obit – I was amazed at all she had done since college and I was sad to have missed this chance to see her again.

I have continued to read at least the names of those listed in the obit section. Occasionally something about the person will prompt me to read the whole entry. I find the information people choose to include interesting.

Lately I’ve asked myself – what will mine say? Have I done anything notable? Is a lifetime of picking up 💩 an obit worthy skill? I don’t think I light up a room when ever I walk in. I know my RBF (resting bitch face) has convinced many students I am scary. I can be overly emotional. I’m worried I’ll be remembered as the whiny patient who couldn’t just suck it up and live life to the fullest.

For anyone who might read this, I am not writing this to ask for feedback. I just need to process who I am becoming now and what I’m doing in life. This diagnosis makes me ponder things I didn’t think I’d need to process for many more years.